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Uselesss Presents They Buy Themselves... E-mail

  You find yourself skint. All your bills have come in at once. You are at rock bottom financially. You have professional qualifications coming out of your ear-'ols and a professional job (two jobs actually) but living in London is impossible. You feel like holding your own funeral, just so you can hold a whip-around and pocket the change.  You are asking yourself? All the student loan, all the studying, everything and everything, what was it all for? You stupidly think I could do with a bit of support (emotional mainly, but the offer of financial support would be gratefully appreciated too) 

  You ring your Useless Boyfriend, (who is so tight and wouldn't even donate money to the local hospice, when his step-father was dying) You tell him about your dire, financial status. He offers you no help at all moreover and the fulcrum point of this piece, is this; just as you cannot think straight, through money anxieties, He rings you and tells you that

  • `I've just spent £15,000 on a flat screen TV'.

As you tell him your car has been clamped and impounded, He is telling you, that he is spending thousands, on having someone:

  • Restore and old Lambretta.
  • AND you see in playing in his office with, Computer software to compose his own music
  • He also shows off, computerised blinds for his office.  A gratuitous waste of cash.

You tell him the council is taking you to court because you can't pay your council tax and He buys himself a

  •  `state of the art' go-cart, for an unfathomable amount of money.

You mention, your gas bill and he shows you the

  •  Original (still in their box's) Scalextric car(s)(plural) he has proudly bought off the Internet.

 You are going through hell and he...is.....me, me, me, me, me. Couple this with the

fact that he finds giving to charity, repugnant, unjustifiable and totally unnecessary, His decadent, gratuitous and frivolous waste and abuse of cash, just makes you......... hate him....hate him, hate him, even more! Argh!

  So what's the most ridiculous, self indulgent, overpriced, pathetic, `useless, wasteful present', that your U.B., has bought himself?  Please do addl, as I cannot see anybody beating my list at all.

Ten years on from the above Useless monster, who ruined my life (for 5 mins)I do have an antidote to offer all you beautiful chick-letts.  It is a combination of the spiritual and unusually the material (it is the icon and what it represents) however it is this section and the ideal, that helped me the most. The female made me strong but not in a 'sterotypical' way.

 Whenever I had UB problems that exacerbated my personal probelems, such as feeling: ground down with over work, isolated, no family, no money and certainly no idea where I was headed because of no career choice or possibilty because of ill health.  I looked at an historical figure, a woman, an orphan, who through: fortitude, stoicsm, grief, imagination, magnaimity, stealth and a whole load of other adjectives, managed to imprint her essence onto the etheric of our planet.

She was not and will never be useless.  Her spirit is there for every woman and whenever you catch your breath at her sublime, impeccable perfection, it is fatal. Why are your worried about a UB? When you can buy buy one of her iconic bags and just look at it. Buy it in black or white, just sheer beauty;perfection. Keep your Touche Eclat (not just a euphamism) in it, just incase anyting nasty comes along and you can literally wipe it out, just as if it had never happened.

  Those two material assets represent a sharp paradox to the UB however they will offer you considerable reasurance and comfort, like you have never known.  They will lift your confidence and other woman will approach you and offer solidarity.  Quite literally that Chanel handbag will be the best thing that has ever happened to you.  I can promise you that now!

You will feel like a million dollars and appreciate, that the best compliments are those from other women.

  I am not 'dissin' men, like 'em 'an that but now we are hanging out for the best. Confident women get the best.