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A Useless Public Health Warning E-mail

There may come a time, when all the dialogue, councelling and advice in the world from: The Archbishop of Canterbury,  The Dali Lama, Stephen Hawkins, the logistical mind of Carol Vorderman and the rhubarb from this web site, will not  be able to help you with anything affliated to `Uselessness'. It will not be enough. 

The correlation between Men and lies are a  scientific enigma, that may never be cracked. You'll never do it and nor will anyone else. When you get to this place, just start praying.....hard!
 If you are in this `place' (meaning you've lost the will  to live) what you must categorically not do, is read, watch or listen to anything about, a certain past-it, Westend musical star, who's name rymnhs with `May'. Chick-letts this will tip you over the edge. You'll feel like your going down on The `Titanic'.....but the irony is, is that you'd wish you'd had.  This person, is the legitimate `Daddy', the founding father of all  `Uselessness', in all it's forms and whilst talking about `Forms', when Socrates had his first philosophical thought on the subject,  the man must have had some future psychic knowledge, about  this person.  He is the universal physical embodiment of Platos `Form' of `Uselessness' (and while I am on the subject of  the ` Universe',  one shouldn't be so bold, as to categorise this person,  as a form of deserving intelligent life, in our Universe.  This person is so Useless, that he should have been recognised and won some kind of award for that by now.
   We've seen the ubiquitous trail of blonde fiancés on GMTV', the track of failed cheesy West End Musicals (where inevitably he ends up running  off  with his co-stars) the stories of his illegitimate off-springs, his narcissistic battle with: the tabloids, the booze, drugs, weight gain and grey matter (that's right He hasn't got any)

 He'd even  be too useless for `Organ Donation'. If an organ  recipient acquired  `Inherited Memory Syndrome', it would ruin their life quite literally. Yes the best place  for men like this, is not at Ground Zero....it is at Butlins.

the only advice I  can give you, is that if you meet  anyone who fits this discription, run before you end up having electric shock treatment.
Well good luck chick-letts.  I haven't got all the answers, some are always going to fall through the net.
 This isn't a conspiracy on my part towards  all men (I haven't even made reference to a: book depository or a grassy knoll)  I'm not hysterical about it, I don't hate all men, I love men and I know plenty of men that are not useless.

 I don't desperately want to get married, or anything, I just want a decent boyfriend......is there anyone out there for me?